Welcome to the World Little A

I have very clear memories of that moment when our baby was placed on my chest. I didn’t get that initial rush of love that I expected to have. I suppose if I’d have had a more straightforward labour then perhaps I might have but I was way more drugged up than I realised and I think I was in shock at what had just happened.

I had to be stitched up which wasn’t pleasant even with the local anaesthetic that was used down there and the epidural still in my system it was all starting to wear off and I could feel the last few stitches. It wasn’t enough that I had just pushed a baby out but I now had to endure this. Mr N had a cuddle with Little A whilst this was going on and what I didn’t expect was how I would feel seeing the man I loved hold the baby I had carried for 9 months. The baby we had created together which made us a family. The one part of my Birth Plan that did take place was Mr N being able to cut the cord… such a special moment for him.

It must be hard being the partner… watching the person you love in so much pain and being completely helpless. Mr N said he often felt like a spare part when it came to appointments during the pregnancy. People would speak only to me even though he was my Husband and he hated being referred to as ‘my partner’ as if he wasn’t all that important. Obviously to me and our Son he was everything… sometimes he needs to be reminded of that.

They told me that I needed to go and have a shower in the wet room in my suite.. at that point I had no idea if I could even use my legs. As I said before I didn’t go fully numb but they still felt like jelly and I wasn’t sure what would happen when I put weight on them. Thankfully, I could stand but something as simple as taking a shower became a massive challenge. I was amazed at how much blood there was and I had to call for help when the floor turned bright red… I honestly panicked that I was losing far too much. The Midwife came in and reassured me that it was a completely normal amount but I had never seen so much blood. I survived the shower although I can’t say I was particularly clean; it was more a wash down than anything.

I got into a fresh nightie (a Disney one I’d picked up in Primark of course) and brushed my hair so I felt a little bit more human. Mr N contacted our families in a joint WhatsApp group we had set up in preparation for this moment and because I had given birth early enough we told everyone to come to the hospital to catch the last hour before no more visitors were permitted. My Mum, Dad, Sister and her boyfriend arrived first and it was so wonderful to see them all.. my Mum and Sister cried (we’re all very emotional). This was shortly followed by Mr N’s parents, Brother and our Sister in Law who again were all very emotional. They moved us from the Delivery Suite onto the Postnatal Ward shortly after and each couple came to see us for 10 minutes.. it was just enough and was the perfect end to the day. Looking back at the pictures taken by my Mum and Mum in Law that night I looked completely spaced out… I was pain free and high as a kite so no wonder really.

We decided that Mr N would go home that night to get some rest. Our two cats needed some attention too. As much as I didn’t want him to leave I knew it was for the best. I didn’t know what state I would be in the next day and needed him to look after us. He stayed with us till 11pm.. he made sure he waited until I had been for my first post birth wee which you have to do in a paper pot and it gets measured by the Midwives. I must have been really unlucky but the Midwives on shift that night on the Postnatal Ward were not particularly nice. I again was concerned at how much blood I seemed to be losing and was sure that there was something wrong to be told “it’s completely normal” and dismissed. It was my first baby, I was exhausted and had just been through quite a traumatic experience so I went back to my bay and sobbed. I desperately wanted to go home with Mr N but I had to accept that me and Little A were there for the night.

The noise on the ward that night was unbelievable. The loud snores coming from partners who were staying and the sound of new born babies crying.. it could have been used as a form of torture. By this point I had been up for nearly 48 hours and had endured 21 hours of labour and I sobbed silently praying that morning would come quickly. I was thankful for the fact that Little A was such a good boy that night.. he was quite happy to sleep after the long delivery and was only woken a few times by the screams of other babies on the Ward. Nothing that a cuddle with his Mummy wouldn’t sort out. I lost count of how many times I texted Mr N that night in pure desperation at how exhausted I felt and how unlikely it was that I was going to be able to sleep.

Mr N arrived at 6am the next morning and I honestly don’t think I have ever been so happy to see him. He swooped in; my knight in shining armour and took over. He said he’d got 6 hours sleep so he was probably still exhausted, but he gladly took Little A and let me rest. I think he was excited to get to spend some time with his Son.

I had imagined that we would probably be leaving soon after breakfast and was excited to get home but we were dismayed to find out that it could take all day. The pain relief that was so wonderful the day before was beginning to wear off and I was starting to feel a bit sore. We were finally discharged at 5.30pm and it was the most wonderful feeling.

We strapped our new tiny person into his car seat and headed out of the ward. We drove home at a snail’s pace; it was such a relief to see our house. We took some photos of us at the front door before we took Little A inside to meet his two Brothers who didn’t seem at all fazed by the new addition.

I'd been craving a kebab and champagne throughout my pregnancy so it was the best time to treat ourselves to both (a strange combination I know). Little A slept in his Moses Basket in front of us whilst we sat and stared at him.. we were now a Mummy and Daddy and our new adventure had begun.