The Mummy Friend

The ‘Mummy Friend’ is something wonderful and something that every new Mum should have. I was lucky enough to have friends who had had babies around the same time as me as well as my new NCT Mummy friends. Being able to discuss things with people who are going through the exact same things as you is truly invaluable. Hundreds of messages have been sent about all sorts of subjects; the best nappy cream to use, when to change the teats on the bottles, how often the babies are sleeping and feeding. I know I relied very heavily on my Mum friends in those early days; especially the first 12 weeks.

As important as mum friends are, just as important are my non Mum Friends. The friends who bring some normality back into my life when I’ve been drowning in the responsibilities of Motherhood. Conversations that don’t include baby poo or naptimes instead weddings, dating and nights out. I love spending time with my non mum friends and they remind me of the ‘old me’. It has been so important to spend some time with my friends without Little A where I can focus on the conversation and enjoy a few glasses of wine.

Aside from my Mum who suffered with PND when I was born, none of my Mummy friends have experienced it and so it can sometimes be really hard to relate to people even though they are actually at the same point in their Motherhood journey as me.

Recently, the first of the babies to be born in our NCT group turned one. There was a party in our local park and he was surrounded by friends and family as well as a few of the Mums in our group. Little A was the only immobile one there whereas the other babies are either crawling or walking. A lot of the conversations being had that day involved what all the babies had recently been up to; what they’d been climbing on, how far they could crawl, even which Nursery’s they were signed up to attend. I felt completely out of it. Little A isn’t doing any of that and I wished I hadn’t gone. My anxiety was high just at the thought of being in a large group again but I actually felt as if I no longer belonged in that group of women. Little A seems so far behind all the other babies and it’s as if we no longer fit.

Postnatal Depression causes a huge gap between other Mums even Mums whose babies are the same age as my own. It is an unbelievably lonely place to be. Now the babies are all older I’ve learnt that actually it isn’t necessarily whether you have a baby or not but how much support there is. I always assumed that a Mummy friend would understand my feelings so much more because they’ve experienced Motherhood and how tough it can be and some of them have been amazing but actually I have also received so much support from my non Mum friends who just want to help me get better.

The main point I wanted to get across with this post was that whilst Mummy friends are amazing especially at the very beginning when it’s all new and you’re all learning, if you don’t know anyone with a baby as long as you have supportive friends around you and you have people to turn to you’ll be just fine.