The importance of Self Care

Self-care and Coping Mechanisms. The things we do that make us feel us feel happy and relaxed. The things we do that give us a bit of help to cope in stressful situations. For me they work hand in hand. My forms of self-care are also my coping mechanisms. They are things I do that I know make me feel better.

Since having Little A and battling a mental illness, my coping mechanisms have become terribly important. Even more important than they were before. Self-care is something that is important for everyone regardless of whether or not you’re a parent but it’s definitely more difficult once children come along.

Everyone will have their own ways of looking after themselves and their mental health but here are mine;

· Spending time with my family especially my Mum. Seeing my Mum once a week is one day when I get some company. One day when I get some support. One day when I’m not solo parenting for 12 long hours. One day when Little A is kept entertained and I can have a break

· Meeting a friend for dinner or drinks or usually both in my case. Being able to eat a meal without having to share any of it like I do with all my other meals. Being able to fully engage in a conversation without any interruptions or worrying about keeping Little A happy. Being able to give 100% of my attention to the person or people I’m with which is just impossible with a toddler around

· Taking some time out for myself on a weekend without Mr N or Little A. Going for a walk on my own, plugging in my headphones and listening to some music. Grabbing a pile of magazines and getting comfortable for an hour in a coffee shop with a big mug of coffee. Completely alone with my only worry being an empty cup

These were all things I was doing regularly before Covid but now none of my coping mechanisms are available. They have all been cruelly snatched from my grip. What do you do when all of the things that enable you to cope each day are taken away? Fall apart? It very much feels like that right now. I have found it very difficult to parent the way I want to when there are no breaks and there is no support. Parenting is relentless normally but it feels unbelievable right now.

Some people’s form of self-care is as simple as a bubble bath with candles and music. I like to colour but unfortunately finding the time to do any of that with a toddler running around during a pandemic is terribly difficult.

Lockdown feels never ending. Just when you hear a small bit of positive news, something always comes along to make you miserable again. It feels like we’re heading towards an ever moving goal that creeps further and further away each day.

My recovery from PND and the anxiety that goes with it was in a really good place last year. I was certain that I could beat it but at the moment, recovery seems like an impossible task.

Whilst I am currently going through my second chunk of counselling, I know 100% that I will not be in a position to get better until the lockdown is eased and life returns to normal. Until I can start doing all of the things that I need to help me cope. The things I need to survive and help me battle another day.

My therapist asked me recently if Little A’s basic needs are being met. I confirmed 1000% that he is more than okay. Little A doesn’t want for anything; he’s surrounded by love, he’s clean and has a full tummy. What more could a little person want? I told her that whilst Little A is being looked after, it’s actually me who perhaps isn’t having her needs met. I eat three meals a day, I shower when I can and I go to bed at night but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t sleep enough at night so the daytime hours with a toddler are tough. I have anxiety to thank for that. During lockdown, I haven’t had any physical support from people that I rely so heavily on and so haven’t had a break. I sometimes forget to drink enough water and when I’m feeling low (which is all the time at the moment) I comfort eat which also doesn’t help my weight and how I see myself.

I like so many others struggling with mental illness have had their coping mechanisms taken away and thankfully I have support but for those who don’t I dread to think what state they might be in. The hidden disaster that won’t be revealed or fully seen until Covid is no longer prominent, is the mental health crisis.

People like me will feel as though they have been forgotten in the mess caused by Covid. Mental health seems to have been left on the pile. At the bottom of the list of priorities. On that note, let’s all be kind to each other.