Mental Health Awareness

Mental Health Awareness Weeks. Such important events each year which aim to encourage people to open up about their struggles and help raise awareness. The week before this was Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week which also happens each year and is specific to mental illness associated with having a baby. That week in particular is more relevant to me but both events are equally important in helping people understand mental illness.

The subject of this years Mental Health Awareness Week is nature and how this can help support good mental health. It got me thinking about how much I appreciate nature and how much better it makes me feel being outside. As soon as I was able to walk after having Little A we have gone out of the house every day. When Little A was small and before Covid, I would spend my days meeting my Mum friends for coffee and then doing laps around our local park even in the pouring rain. I have to get out every day. It helps both me and Little A. I notice when the weathers miserable how much this impacts how I’m feeling and I long for warm, sunny days that really help to brighten my mood.

The subject for Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week this year was Journeys to Recovery. Women and men who have suffered with some kind of mental illness as a result of having a baby were invited to share their experiences of what recovery means to them. For me, recovery has been turbulent and bumpy and not what I expected it to be. I assumed that once I had some therapy and got the right support it wouldn’t take too long to get better. I now realise that the term ‘get better’ is really unhelpful. A lot of people use this when discussing people suffering with their mental health. As if one day a magic switch is flipped and you’re all better. I wasn’t prepared for the ups and downs in my journey to recovery which has only made things more challenging. I wasn’t prepared for there not necessarily being a definitive end to my recovery but having to accept that it is perhaps something that I will have to live with.

I now understand that recovery is not a one size fits all and that’s the same with motherhood. Just because someone you know has found it easy it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you for not finding it that way. I used to consider myself a failure for not living up to my own expectations of motherhood and a disappointment to both Mr N and Little A for not being able to cope. When I think back to my Birth Trauma too, a lot of parents have suffered a lot more than me but that doesn’t invalidate my experience and that is exactly the same for motherhood.

I’ve come to realise on my journey through mental illness that everyone has their own definition of what recovery means to them. To me, I know I’ll have reached recovery when I feel like I’ve found myself again. When I can look in the mirror and not only recognise the person looking back at me but when I feel like the ‘old me’ and the ‘new Mummy me’ have finally conjoined.

The confidence I lost throughout my battle over the past 20 months will gradually begin to return and I won’t be so terrified of doing simple tasks. I’ll be able to take Little A to the huge playground near us and not worry about the judgement of other parents but instead look forward to pushing my little boy on the swing as he screeches with excitement.

There is still a huge stigma associated with all kinds of mental illness. Perinatal mental illness is heavily stigmatised in particular because this only arises when you get pregnant and have a baby. A time that is meant to be nothing but joyous when instead it becomes a nightmare. The Mental Health Awareness Weeks are such important events that aim to reach all kinds of people. To support those struggling, to encourage those suffering in silence to reach out but more importantly to raise awareness and educate those who don’t understand mental illness.

The re-opening of shops last month was a massive step towards normality and even though the whole idea of that makes me unbelievably anxious, I’m so excited to resume the road to recovery. The combination of both Covid and PND have at times made me feel like I’m just surviving rather than living and there have been many times over the last year when I’ve felt pushed to such extremes that I can see no way out but I’m still here. It’s been a tough few months but I can finally see the road to recovery ahead. It’s long and bumpy but I’m ready to start walking.