Just like Popcorn, all Babies will pop in their own time

When we chose to do NCT we wanted a support network; it wasn’t just for me it was for Mr N too. Following the birth it was so wonderful having a group of Mum friends who knew exactly how you were feeling and were going through it at exactly the same time. As the babies get older and they begin to do more you start seeing how different they all are. They each start developing at different points; some crawling first, others got their first teeth through first. Comparing babies is ridiculous I know it is but it doesn’t stop me doing it. Little A is doing so well but he seems to be the last one to do anything; it took him a long time to learn to sit unaided whereas all the other babies have been doing that for ages. All the other babies can stand up and lean against a walker; Little A is only just beginning to stand and putting weight on his legs. The one thing Little A is amazing at though is rolling… the boy doesn’t need to crawl he can get around mega fast.

Making comparisons is something we all do and if you say you don’t then you’re a very good liar… either that or you have a baby who is always the first to do everything.

Postnatal Depression causes intrusive thoughts to constantly flood my mind. It’s something that I have to fight on a daily basis. I look at what my Mum friends are doing with their babies; some take their little ones to baby classes of every kind; some use yoghurt and food colouring as a make shift messy play and there was me sat at home sometimes too anxious to even leave the house let alone do anything particularly fun with Little A. I started to worry that my battle with PND was affecting Little A even more than I realised… maybe that was why he was behind all the other babies. My thoughts of being a failure would creep up again.. Little A would be doing so much better if he had a Mummy who didn’t cry all the time and wasn't always struggling.

When I say I compare, I don’t do it because I’m jealous. Jealously is a horrible emotion. I’m over the moon for my friends every time their little one does something new… it’s a wonderful thing hearing that their babies are doing well but on my darkest days they signal everything that Little A isn’t doing.

This takes me onto Social Media. Pre Little A when I was the ‘old me’ I loved social media of every kind. I would spend my days on Facebook checking out what my friends were up to and a day wouldn’t go by without me posting a photo or story on my Instagram. Social Media is amazing in so many ways; it keeps everyone connected but it is also good to remember that what you see on Social Media tends to be the highlights… very rarely will you see people posting when they’ve had a bad day or they’ve felt low. Posts of babies smiling sweetly at the camera, well-tended gardens and huge houses are all that fill my newsfeeds.

When you struggle with mental health; any kind of mental health, sometimes Social Media is the worst place for you to be.

Whilst you know that people only post the good stuff, if you’re having a tough time or struggling for whatever reason then it can only end up making you feel worse. On my darkest days when it seems that all of my energy is used up in just making it through the day, I hate Social Media and everything it represents. Happy people leading wonderful lives when mine seems to be a constant struggle. It makes you question everything… why is my life not like that?? What am I doing wrong?? It's not fair!

I decided to take a Social Media break recently… I knew it wouldn’t be forever and I admit that I did still check it every now and then. I would hate to miss out on someone’s baby news or an engagement post but I knew that it wasn’t helping me. It wasn’t worth the constant disappointment every time I logged onto one of the apps. It took a while to get used to not being on Social Media as regularly; my fingers would automatically search for the buttons on my phone but eventually I began to realise that I was coping without them and my mental health was definitely thankful for the break. I try and avoid it as much as I can even now.

A lot of people live their lives taking photos and videos specifically to be able to post on Social Media for everyone to see. If that’s what makes you feel better then good for you but after battling my demons I know that it doesn’t work for me.