If only I knew then what I know now

Having been a Mum for nearly a year, I’ve learnt so much. More than I ever thought possible. Motherhood has been nothing like I imagined it would be. Even putting the Postnatal Depression aside, it has been so much harder than I thought it would be.

I read every book possible whilst I was pregnant and thought I knew it all. That’s what all first time parents think. You have ideas about how it’s going to be; what routine you might have, who will do what and even what you’ll dress them in. Someone told me when I was pregnant that being a parent was tough but you cannot comprehend how tough it is and really, being told that is a completely pointless exercise. Yes it has been tough but I don’t feel as if being told that in pregnancy prepared me any more than if I hadn’t been told.

It was Mr N who suggested that I write a list of things that I would tell myself; things that I know now that would have helped me back then so here goes.

1. You are so unbelievably strong and no matter what has been thrown at you, you’ll cope every single time

2. You won’t get the labour you want but it won’t stop you wanting more children even if you believed that at the time and hopefully the next one won’t be so traumatic

3. It’s not fair but you’ll have to battle Postnatal Depression and it won’t make you a bad Mum it’ll just be something new to overcome

4. You won’t feel an instant love for Little A but when it comes it’ll be magical

5. You may feel as though you’re failing all the time and at everything but you’re not. It’s just that hard

6. You’ll find that some people won’t understand what you’re going through and won’t be supportive but they aren’t worth worrying about. There will be a group of people who you can rely on and will be there for every good and bad day

7. Don’t beat yourself up when you’re having a bad day or a bad week. Just be kind to yourself till the good days come again

8. Give yourself a break. You cannot be perfect or do everything all of the time but that’s okay

9. Your body will look very different post pregnancy but it’s done something wonderful; it created and nurtured Little A until he was ready to enter the World.

10. All babies are different and you cannot compare them; even if you find yourself doing it all the time. Don’t be hard on yourself when you do though

11. Weaning will be so much harder than you thought it would be but all babies get there in their own time

12. You will view your parents in a totally different way than you did before. You’ll appreciate all the struggles they went through when you were young and you’ll find a whole new respect for them

13. People will judge you not necessarily because they believe you’re doing something wrong but because they don’t understand mental illness. You’ll learn to tell the difference

14. Acceptance is the biggest thing in Motherhood and will take you a long time to find. Emphasis is put solely on the new baby but you will be brand new too.

15. Postnatal mental health illnesses have a huge stigma attached to them and so people won’t always feel confident enough to admit their struggles to others. This will make you feel completely alone and like you’re the only one but you will find that from your honesty, you will open a pathway for other Mums to come forward and be open about their tough times.

If only I could go back in time and tell my pre-Mummy self all of these things. I wonder how different my journey would have been.