I'm Still Me

As someone who had never previously suffered with a mental health illness I have to admit that I was naïve to just how devastating it can be for everyone around you not just the person suffering.

My PND affects everyone around me not just me as the one suffering. Little A didn’t get the attention he deserved especially when he was small as I was feeling completely unconnected to him. When Little A was tiny Mr N was having to deal with the tiredness from having a new born and getting very little sleep as well as a full time job in London. On top of all that he had me to contend with.. a Wife who was struggling with absolutely everything. It’s unbelievably hard work for the partner especially when they don’t often understand how best to help you and as the one suffering I wasn’t sure what I needed.

Since having Little A and experiencing both Postnatal Depression and Anxiety, I have a whole new respect for people who battle with their minds day in day out. It’s an exhausting and often silent battle which is more devastating than a physical battle. I have found that people are very quick to offer comfort and sympathy if you broke your arm or leg but are very different when it comes to a poorly brain.

I have had a very mixed reaction since admitting publicly that I am suffering with my mental health. Most people have been amazing but unfortunately there have been people who have disregarded my feelings. I think a lot of this comes down to understanding more than anything. The stigma surrounding mental health is still prevalent but has definitely changed a lot. I find the stigma is worse in the older generation; they came from a time when you just had to ‘get on with it’. Thankfully, people are now being open about their struggles and we are forcing a change and hopefully challenging people’s thoughts on mental health.

It was very hard for me to accept that I was struggling and even harder when I was given the diagnosis of PND. I felt like I was failing at everything; being a Mother, being a Wife, being a good friend, being a good daughter. The intrusive thoughts make you feel like you’re just letting everyone down over and over again.

People think they can fix you by offering advice. I don’t need you to tell me what you think might help.. I just need you to be there when I’m having a tough time. Sometimes I have to cancel plans if my anxiety gets too bad or I know I’m in a bit of a slump and friends and relatives need to be sympathetic to this too. Being angry will only add to the guilt already being felt.

What new Mums in my position need are to be told that they’re doing an amazing job (even if they don’t believe you). They need you to be there; not just say you’ll be there in a text message but to actually be there. They need to know that they can open up freely without worrying about being judged. They need you to treat them the same as you would have done before.

PND made me feel like I’d lost my identity and I was caught somewhere in between the old and new me but I am still me. I might be struggling but I haven’t changed. I just need a little bit more support.

Check in on your Mum friends; even the ones who seem to have it all together. I have found that Mums can be very secretive and hide how they’re feeling for fear of being judged so instead they portray a very different picture. I would have felt less alone if people had been honest with me about their own struggles.

If you don’t know what to say or how to approach me, a simple text message asking how I’m doing and how my weeks going is all that’s needed. I don’t expect people to understand what I’m going through; if I’m being honest I don’t even really know myself but a message every now and then shows me that I’m not alone.

At the end of the day, I’m still me I just need a little bit more support right now.