Honesty is always the best policy

I recently met up with three friends I made whilst flying. We all joined Monarch in 2008 and were lucky to go on some amazing trips together; Orlando and Mombasa in Kenya were the definite highlights. We were friends when we were young, carefree and when none of us had any responsibilities.

They’re the kind of friendships which span years without regular contact but when we do meet up it’s like no time has passed. We decided that despite Covid we were going to try and get together.

All four of us are now Mums and so have even more in common than we did before. We’re all a lot older and are no longer carefree but we’ve all remained the same. We laughed lots and reminisced about our flying days. It was the first time I’ve been out in the daytime doing something just for me without Little A for months and months and it was wonderful. I got to enjoy my food and take part in the conversation without having to worry about keeping a little person entertained. I felt like they unlocked a lot of the ‘old’ me that I felt like I’d lost. They reminded me of who I once was.

We discussed Motherhood. We discussed our labours. We discussed how our lives have changed. It was unbelievably refreshing to be with a group of women who were brutally honest about how tough being a Mummy can be.

In the early days after having Little A when I was struggling with being a new Mum and having a very demanding baby, it felt like all the other new Mums around me were having it far easier. Whilst I sat there telling everyone how exhausted I was, how much pain I’d been in and how I just wasn’t coping, they would sympathise but I never felt like they were in agreement with me. I always felt like I was the only one finding this hard.

If I had used the logical part of my brain at the time, I would have realised that the ‘perfect’ baby definitely didn’t exist and that all new Mums find things tough but it wasn’t what was being shown to me. There is such a stigma with new Mums which keeps women from being open and honest about how they’re feeling. You don’t want people to think you’re struggling and you don’t want people to think you cant cope. Whilst some of my Mum friends were honest about some of their tough days, there were definitely some who came across as living under sunshine and rainbows. I always wondered what they were doing differently to have things so easy when I was drowning under the weight of everything.

Social media plays a big part. My social media feeds are full of Mums posting pictures of their super cute little ones smiling and laughing and most days for me are just not like that. Don’t get me wrong; me and Little A have lots of laughs but there are also lots of tears; from both of us. I wonder if my battle with PND has affected Little A and when I see other Mums being completely carefree I feel like the biggest disappointment.

I know that people only post on social media when things are good. You never see pictures of Mums who haven’t showered for days, haven’t got dressed or brushed their hair. You never see pictures of Mums locked in the bathroom in tears because they just need 5 minutes peace. I’m not suggesting that people post all of this but that is the reality of Motherhood sometimes and it isn’t pretty.

It felt so wonderful to be able to talk with my old flying friends about our struggles and to have them agree on everything. It felt like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders and I didn’t have to sugar coat anything.

I’m sure lots of Mums have babies who are a lot more chilled out and have more patience than Little A does and so it stands to reason that maybe their lives are a little bit easier but I need to remember that even those Mums have bad days too.

If I could tell a new Mum anything it would be to be open about how she’s feeling; the good and the bad. Find someone you trust; whether that be your partner, your Mum or even a friend. Tell them if you’re having a tough time. I bottled my feelings up for too long and it didn’t do me any good. It isn’t easy admitting it but you need extra support and the only way to get that is to talk to someone.

I hope that from me being honest it’ll encourage other Mums who perhaps have been hiding their feelings to open up.