A Black Balloon appeared at my door

I watched a video on YouTube which was shared by PANDAS called ‘Hope and the Black Balloon’. It is such a wonderful video which I can really relate to and it refers to Depression and Anxiety as black balloons which sometimes appear at your door after having a baby.

Sometimes the black balloon gets too heavy and life feels too hard which is why our loved ones are so important to help carry the balloon when we need some help.

The black balloon might be attached to me but it isn’t me. My diagnosis of Postnatal Depression and Anxiety does not define me and it doesn’t make me any less of a Mother. It’s not my fault.

It was my Mum who suggested that I should put all my thoughts down on paper and maybe start my own blog. I used to keep a diary when I was younger and it was something that my Therapist thought would help me. I was writing a journal while I was having Counselling but I haven’t kept it up since it ended. I decided to think of everything that had happened over the past 18 months and write it all down. These are honest accounts of what I’ve experienced and what I’ve felt. I’ve not held anything back and some parts have been difficult to write. Some things I’ve wondered if I should sugar coat but then I’d be going against everything that I’m trying to achieve. I hope that by reading some of my stories, I might give someone the confidence to reach out and ask for help. I hope that my stories will show other Mums who may be struggling that they’re not alone.

I couldn’t have chosen a better name for my blog – a black balloon appeared at my door and doesn’t seem in any hurry to leave but one day I’m sure that I’ll finally be able to let the balloon go.